So recently I have been obsessed with the idea of relationships and what they really mean to me and to others and really, what the heck are they?!
It's no secret I've been in a couple relationships, one being semi-serious. But how can any "relationship" be serious when you're 17?! What do we know about love at 17? What gives us the right to dictate to another person that we own them and they have to do what we say or they won't be able to talk to us anymore? What gives us the right to absolutely ruin someone emotionally?
I sit here and I ponder how to get the love my mom and my dad had. What I wouldn't give to have that. But what is different now than how it was back in the 70's-80's is all the communication we have now with each other and people around the world. Sometimes I just want to throw away my phone or computer just for the sole fact that that my whole life is all on the internet. Thinking now, things were so much easier without technology. Now-a-days you can read what people's thoughts are. Twitter for example. I've heard of so many couples getting in fights, me starting a few myself, over what their significant other posted on Twitter or favorited of someone else's. How ridiculous is this people? Can other's not think for themselves anymore? We now have to control their thought processes too?
Don't get me wrong, I'm sure back then there were such things as what we call "fuck boys" now-a-days. But they didn't fight about the petty stuff that we do. Here are some examples of fights that I have either heard about or actually picked a fight myself about-
1) "Did you seriously like that girl's picture on Instagram? We are through."
2) "I can't believe you are friends with this b!?@$ on FaceBook, delete her or I'm leaving."
3) "I wanted Chipotle not Burger King Oh my God."
4) "He hasn't replied in 3 hours, he's totally hooking up with some other girl. How could he?"
5) "She spends way too much time with her friend." "So what?" "He's a guy. I'm going to say something to her."
6) "My boyfriend's background on his phone is of some VS model, I'm going to talk to him about that the next time we are together."
7) "Why did you change your avi from us to just you?!?!"
8) "WHAT DID THAT TWEET REALLY MEAN? ARE YOU TRYING TO BREAK UP WITH ME?"
Folks I could go on for days here. I think you get my point. Couples these days are so flexible it's disgusting. One day they are together, the next they aren't speaking. The way we treat the people we "care" about is disturbing.
I feel very strongly about all of this because I feel like half of my life was wasted on worrying what guy was liking me, or impressing this one guy, or making this other guy happy. My world revolved around not me or who I cared about most, but the people who hurt me the most. And I feel like I am forever emotionally damaged from all of this. But how can someone be emotionally damaged from something so small as a relationship? You weak little thing. You can't take anything can you? But I am for real guys. How many times has your heart been broken? How many times did you hate yourself because some guy or girl stopped caring about you for no reason? This hasn't happened to you? LUCKY FOR YOU. YOU SHOULD GET A MEDAL OF HONOR. But for me, I went through hell at like the age of 17 all because of some guy dumping me. How sad is that. There are 17 year olds in Africa, starving, and I'm over here crying over some boy that just dumped me. And now I see how pathetic I was. But I also know how much that stuff hurts.
After a lot of reflecting I've come to see relationships in a new light and am patient in my search to find the right guy for me. I've come to realize, I don't NEED to be in a relationship to be happy. Honestly I can be happier by myself, because when you depend on someone to make you happy, you will be sorely disappointed. In the end, you and you alone know how to make yourself happy and you and you alone will know when you are. Don't depend on some guy or girl to make or break you. Become independent. Stop searching. Just take breath and enjoy life from where you are right now and don't rush things. When the right person comes, you will know.
